The Lost Art of Correspondence

2003-10-03T10:24:00.000+08:00

KIM JONG IL AND SPANKING MONKEY SOUND STUDIO

Notes: The North Koreans wanted solidarity messages to celebrate the day the DPRK descended into hell. I obliged. They wanted more. I obliged.

To: Esteemed Leader Kim Jong Il
Democratic People's Republic of Korea
E-mail: korea@korea-dpr.com
29 August 2003

To Esteemed Leader Kim Jong Il and the courageous Citizens of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea

On the occasion of the 55th Anniversary of the foundation of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea I send my warmest and most fervent greetings. The people of the Undemocratic Dictatorship of the United $tates draw inspiration from your solidarity and commitment to freedom and democracy. We have much to learn from your inspiring struggle. I know that victory will be yours and we will all live in a world based on the Juche Idea one day. You are our last hope at being free.

Militant Juche Greetings

Patsy A. Newton
San Francisco
United $tates

From: Alejandro Cao de Benos
Special Delegate - DPRK Government
E-mail: korea@korea-dpr.com
16 September 2003

Dear friend

We received a letter from you directed to our Leader Kim Jong Il.

Please can you tell us what is your job and position?? My comrades translators in Pyongyang need to include it.

Thank you and best regards

Alejandro Cao de Benos

To: Alejandro Cao de Benos
Special Delegate - DPRK Government
E-mail: korea@korea-dpr.com
17 September 2003

Comrade

I can't begin to describe the honour I feel knowing that Leader Kim Jong Il may receive my humble missive.

In answer to your question:

I am a Foley Artist and I work for the Spanking Monkey Sound Studio in Los Angeles.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton

Note: There was no immediate response. Had my missive made it to the Esteemed Leader? Were they on to me? Was Spanking Monkey causing dissent in the translation booth? When in doubt, dispatch a letter.

To: Alejandro Cao de Benos
Special Delegate - DPRK Government
E-mail: korea@korea-dpr.com
02 October 2003

Dear Comrade

Did you read out my letter of solidarity to Leader Kim Jong Il? I need to know. It would have been such an honour.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton

From: Alejandro Cao de Benos
Special Delegate - DPRK Government
E-mail: korea@korea-dpr.com
02 October 2003

Dear Comrade,

Yes, we readed your letter and our Leader Kim Jong Il too. This was the reason of asking for your details.

Thank you very much for your support.

Alejandro Cao de Benos
Special Delegate -DPRK Government

So, how do you translate spanking monkey to the Esteemed Leader...?

2003-09-18T09:30:00.000+08:00

MCDONALD'S, BIBLES AND CHINA

Notes: In August, the Norwegian affiliate of Adbusters (translated, appropriately, in Norwegian as Sadbusters), tricked media outlets with a false press release claiming that they were a company planning to publish Bibles stamped with the corporate logo of McDonald's. A jolly cunning ploy to highlight the insidious reach of corporate Amerika into our very souls, what? Indeed.

To: Joachim Henriksen
Adbusters Norway
E-mail: media@adbusters.no; henvendelser@adbusters.no
26 August 2003

Dear Mr Henriksen

I along with many others have seen your clever and much needed attack on corporate sponsorship by spreading the "news" that McDonald's planned to publish Bibles incorporating their logo. I know that this was part of a campaign to fool the media and I congratulate you on it.

However, you may not be aware that this very same thing is in fact occuring in China. I teach English in Qingdao (in Shandong Province) and regularly attend a church where McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken both advertise by posting logos and other advertising material on church literature. Our hymn books, for example, contain the KFC (in Chinese, three characters pronounced kendeji) logo and addresses of the seven stores in the city on the inside cover. Praying cushions recently donated by McDonald's all have a small McDonald's logo (the golden M) on the bottom right hand corner.

Shandong has the largest population of Christians in China and my church, one of the biggest in the city, has a very large congregation of relatively wealthy people. It conducts three back to back services every Sunday morning; each is totally full. In China, the main consumers of KFC and McDonald's are these wealthy people, so the church has become a focus of advertising.

I find it disturbing that your media stunt is actually being played out for real in China where anything goes in the world of advertising and money.

Kind regards

Patsy A. Newton

From: Joachim Henriksen
Adbusters Norway
E-mail: saftogvann@sensewave.com
12 September 2003

Hi Patsy!

Thanks for your kind response to our bible hoax in the media. It is a disturbing fact that the initial marketing from our fake company provoked very few people and ended with orders of over 1,100 bibles from schools and churches.

I am shocked to hear about the marketing in your church. I would really appreciate if it is possible to see any pictures or any other documentation of this marketing. It would be very useful for our campaign in Norway...

Best wishes

Joachim Henriksen
Adbusters Norway

Sometimes even the best hoaxes don't quite work. Now, anyone with Photoshop skills care to redesign this and send it to the kind folk at Sadbusters?

2003-08-29T13:53:00.000+08:00

THE VOICE OF MAOIST CONSPIRATORIAL DOOM - II

Notes: Yesterday, the Maoist Internationalist Movement (MIM) responded to my improbable claim of having unearthed heretofore unseen correspondence between Mao Zedong and some geezer in the 1950s by telling me that others who had tried 'had failed' (see yesterday's postings). I wondered what on earth they meant.

To: MIM
E-mail: mim3@mim.org
28 August 2003

Comrades

Thank you for your response; however, I'm unclear how I should interpret your warning. Are you suggesting I'm being duped (this is possible but I think unlikely), or am I in danger by bringing such documents out of the country?

Please answer as quickly as possible as I leave Hong Kong shortly and don't want to read our correspondence in the Mainland.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton

From: MIM
E-mail: mim3@mim.org
29 August 2003

My gut instinct: do not mail them from there. They check.

Hang on to them for some day in the future when you can get out with copies and don't let them out of your hands until you have delivered them to someone, not even in the united $tates when you get there.

And they say the Cold War is over...

2003-08-29T13:40:00.000+08:00

INSURER SAYS YES TO FOX TAILS, NO TO PUDENDA SCRUB

Notes: The news that Basil "Boom-Boom" Brush has insured his tail for £1 million with Stoke Insurance got me thinking.

To: Stoke Insurance
E-mail: info@stokeinsurance.co.uk
28 August 2003

Dear Sir/Madam

I'm not quite sure how I should put this, but here goes.

In my line of work it is not unusual for a specific part of the anatomy to come under extreme duress. I was wondering, then, if it were possible to insure my, well, my bush, which is what I'm famous for? I am quite hairy down there and clients who appreciate this particular characteristic would stop coming if for some reason it was diminished.

Can you help me?

Cheers

Patsy A. Newton

From: Goodfellows
E-mail: mail@goodinsurance.co.uk
28 August 2003

Dear Ms Newton

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately our underwriters have exceeded there underwriting limits at present and we are unable to help you at this present time.

All the best

Ophelia

Am I being overly sensitive, or is this a classic case of brush, err..., bush discrimination?

2003-08-29T09:54:00.000+08:00

MAIDS ON EVEREST

Notes: I'd never received spam touting the virtues of employees from Asia and the Middle East, but this week two missives doing just that found their way into my mailbox. This one was from a company called EVEREST EDUCATIONAL, TRAINING & PLACEMENT SERVICES, which specialises in nurses, housemaids, hotel workers, drivers, security guards, commandos (including rangers, qualified gunmen - as opposed to what, unqualified gunmen? - and body guards), construction labourers, IT professionals, doctors, teachers, and pharmacists from Nepal; i.e., the entire population. They target "the USA, Canada, Australia, UK, Europe, New Zealand, Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, Macao, Hong Kong, Taiwan and South Korea." I thought, why not?

To: Captain Gian Singh Negi
Managing Director Director Sikkim Chapter
EVEREST EDUCATIONAL, TRAINING & PLACEMENT SERVICES
Kathmandu, Thamel
G.P.O. Box 8974 CPC 436
Nepal
E-mail: negi_2003@hotmail.com; negi2000np@yahoo.com
26 August 2003

Dear Captain Negi

I am a young female mountain climber residing in Scotland. Every year I travel to Nepal to climb various peaks. Upon receiving your e-mail it occured to me that it would be useful to have a housemaid who doubled as a mountaineering guide. Please let me know if you have any suitable applicants who can manage house keeping duties as well as lead expeditions on mountains like Everest and K2. She would need to be a good cook and a jolly good climber.

Kind regards

Patsy A. Newton

From: Captain Gian Singh Negi
Managing Director Director Sikkim Chapter
EVEREST EDUCATIONAL, TRAINING & PLACEMENT SERVICES
Kathmandu, Thamel
G.P.O. Box 8974 CPC 436
Nepal
E-mail: negi_2003@hotmail.com
28 August 2003

Ms Patsy Newton

I am sorry for the blank doc. It may be due to error on transmission/Server.

I was trying to know as to how long this girl has to work with U? We do have Qualified and experienced guides (Sherpa/Bhutia/Lepcha). Will U be able to take her to Scotland with U? What wiill be the emoluments, perks and previledges.

When R U planning to come to Nepal/India ? In fact we arrange for Expeditions And its Doc formalities etc.

Secondly, we need some volunteers for schools, Colleges & Hospitals etc if U can suggest some references.

With Regards

Sincerely

Captain Negi

Well, it looks like my search is over. Where else would you find a maid who can tramp up Everest after making your bed?

2003-08-28T14:06:00.000+08:00

THE VOICE OF MAOIST CONSPIRATORIAL DOOM - I

Notes: The Maoist Internationalist Movement (MIM) - like all groups mired in marxist-inspired bunkum - thrives on conspiratorial fantasy. The constant risk of losing one's liberty is like breathing smog to these leftovers from the Summer of Love.

To: MIM
E-mail: mim3@mim.org
26 August 2003

Comrades

I have been teaching English in China for nearly five years, an employment option that enables me to pursue my specific interests in Maoism and Chinese language. During the course of my stay on the Mainland I have come into contact with many young Chinese Maoists. Most interestingly, I recently met a young man who after several meetings showed me a significant body of correspondence between senior members of the Chinese Communist Party during the 1950s and his father (who was an intellectual but nonetheless respected). All correspondence is in Chinese (of course) and I have read through every letter. If genuine, they provide a stark rebuttal to much current negative criticism of Mao and the CCP. I have been offered the opportunity to make copies of all letters and distibute them to an organisation that understands Maoism and is prepared to publish them in translation. I can translate them if you don't have the ability to do so yourself.

Would you like to view such letters? I am currently in Hong Kong until the school year starts next week. I will then return to China and make copies if you wish. I will need to post them from Hong Kong at a later date.

Please contact me if you are at all interested in seeing the letters to verify if they are genuine.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton

From: MIM
E-mail: mim3@mim.org
28 August 2003

COmrade

Of course we are interested, but a warning. People who have tried before have failed.

MIM

What the hell does that mean? That their bodies have only been found when the spring sun melts the ice on Tiananmen Square? These Maoist weenies have been reading too much of this and not enough of this.

2003-08-28T07:18:00.000+08:00

WHAT A LUVVERLY BUNCH OF COCONUTS

Notes: Kolapo Omidire, a Nigerian businessman with offers too good to refuse, had previously been tempted by a Patsy A. Newton proposal; i.e., to join her in scamming the scam merchants. I never responded after he wrote back and was therefore quite surprised to see him pop up again a few days ago asking me to "get in touch." I was glad to oblige.

To: Mr Kolapo Omidire
The Commercial Bank of Africa
E-mail: kola_005@hotmail.com
26 August

Dear Kolapo

I don't know what your name means in Nigerian, but it sounds perilously close to the word for coconut in Indonesian (i.e., kelapa). I think they'd call you Kelapa Kepala (Coconut Head) in Indonesia, so I think I'll do likewise.

Kind regards

Patsy A. Newton

From: Kolapo Omidire
The Commercial Bank of Africa
E-mail: kola_005@hotmail.com
27 August 2003

HELLO PUSSY

SO YOU ARE INDONESIAN? WELL THAT MAKES YOU A FOOL CAUSE I HAVE TAKEN MONEY FROM QUITE A NUMBER OF YOUR FOLKS.

Meow. Who knew Indonesians were being stung by these guys?

2003-08-27T17:44:00.000+08:00

GUN-TOTING EGYPTIAN MUMMIES

Notes: Nigerian e-mail scam merchants are not the only spammers infiltrating my inbox. The good folk at The Gulf Company for Recruitment also contacted me recently with promises to locate "qualified and experienced Egyptian Employees and workers in all fields." It seemed a promising missive so I replied.

To: Sahar al Hosseiny
The Gulf Company for Recruitment
E-mail: mgahedgroup@hotmail.com; megahadgroup@hotmail.com
26 August 2003

Dear Sahar al Hosseiny

I am a very busy and wealthy American businesswoman residing in Paris. I am in desperate need of an Egyptian nanny (mummy) who can clean my house, restrain my children, and defend my property with extreme prejudice. I expect to pay premium wages for such a person.

Kind regards

Patsy A. Newton

From: Sahar al Hosseiny
The Gulf Company for Recruitment
E-mail: mgahedgroup@hotmail.com
27 August 2003

Dear Patsy A. Newton

We need your contact details. And how much exactly will you pay and for how many hours and for how long. We need also to know in which country you are. Any further details will be usful.

Thanks

Sahar

I'm asking for a gun-toting Egyptian mummy and he wants to know in which country Paris is located? These guys either have extremely tough nannies or are a pharaoh short in the top tomb.

2003-08-27T15:43:00.000+08:00

THE MYONGSTER'S MENTAL FOOD

Notes: I wrote to Kim Myong Chol (the "unofficial spokesman" for the North Korean Government) earlier this month. The crack-crazed Myongstor responded almost immediately, but I held off reciprocating in a like manner so as to deepen the aura of mystery I felt sure would appeal to a drug addled commie from North Korea.

Update Note: Jared Keller over at Exultate Justi has also written to Kim with the entirely expected priceless results. His weekly MYONGWATCH! feature is high on my list of required readings.

To: Kim Myong Chol
"Unofficial spokesman" for the North Korean Government
E-mail: mc_kim@xa2.so-net.ne.jp
26 August 2003

Dear Comrade Kim

My apologies for not replying sooner. I have been held by the police for my involvement in a peaceful demonstration against U$ foreign policy with regards North Korea. Small groups are forming all over the U$ to promote North Korean policy and to counter U$ government propaganda. Your writings are invaluable to us.

I too believe that Kim Jong Il will be the winner over the evil Bush.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton

From: Kim Myong Chol
"Unofficial spokesman" for the North Korean Government
E-mail: mc_kim@xa2.so-net.ne.jp
27 August 2003

Dear Patsy A. Newton

Too bad to learn that you have been detained by police for a peaceful demonstration. No better mental food for me to be flattered that my piece is of some help. By the way, you have failed to tell me where in the U.S. you live.

Best regards

KMC

It's like feeding nuts to squirrels. Now, where do I house that Norcom support cell ...?

2003-08-25T17:17:00.000+08:00

AUSTRALIA'S MIKE "LARD BOY" MOORE PROVES ONE LINER NOT DEAD

To: Phillip Adams
Australian columnist
E-mail: philadams@ozemail.com.au
16 August 2003

Dear Mr Adams

All my friends think you're nothing but a chardonnay socialist, but I disagree. I think you're more of a 'cask red' socialist.

So there.

Patsy A. Newton

From: Phillip Adams
Australian columnist
E-mail: philadams@ozemail.com.au
18 August 2003

Dear Patsy. Thanks. But get new friends. Phillip

Thanks Phil. Am deleting address book as I write.

2003-08-25T16:58:00.000+08:00

mARGO kINGSTON'S ~~sHIFT~~ cAPS lOCK kEY fAILS iN cRUCIAL mISSIVE tEST

To: Margo Kingston
Web Diary Web Mistress
Sydney Morning Herald
E-mail: mkingston@access.fairfax.com.au
16 August 2003

Dear Margo

Hi. I'm writing to say thank you for activating my political consciousness. As a high school student in Charters Towers, I am living in redneck territory and all around me I only hear reactionary garbage. If it wasn't for your voice I would have nothing to tell me the truth. You are my role model. A shining beacon for young girls in the bush. I thank God every day that I can read your Web Diary and access a woman I can admire.

In gratitude

Patsy A. Newton

From: Margot Kingston
Web Diary Web Mistress
Sydney Morning Herald
E-mail: mkingston@access.fairfax.com.au
17 August 2003

wHY THANK YOU.

rEGARDS,

mARGO

That should motivate me for another year or two at the very least.

2003-08-17T08:31:00.000+08:00

EVEN NIGERIAN SCAM MERCHANTS FALL IN LOVE: II

Notes: Dr John Smith, a Nigerian e-mail scam artist, has lost his heart to Patsy A. Newton. In Part I (directly below), Dr Smith professed his love. I responded and his heart strings twanged. If he wants my money he'll need to learn that business and pleasure don't mix.

To: Dr John Smith
Citi Express Bank of Nigeria, PLC Lagos
E-mail: john333@hknetmail.com
16 August 2003

Dear John

Your letter of love [see letter dated 15 August 2003 below] has affected me profoundly. I too can do nothing but think of you. I'm so excited that I can hardly think straight. I'm taking a long flight in about two hours (I'm sending this from Sydney airport) and will not be able to ring until I reach my destination.

You sound wonderful, John. Just the right height and age, too. I have always been too shy to talk to an African man, even though I have for many years dreamed of developing a partnership with one. And now my dream may be coming true.

I occupy a senior executive position in a company producing electronics products for the global market. I am based in Hong Kong but travel a great deal. I love sport, and stay very fit with regular visits to the gym. I have shoulder-length blonde hair and blue eyes. My skin is quite pale, and my figure is feminine but firm. I feel so close to you that I don't even mind telling you that my measurements are 34-24-33.

You seem like you are tall and strong. I can't wait to find out more about you and I want to take this email exchange to whole new level, if you understand me... Tell me everything about yourself, especially your physical side...

Love

Patsy

From: Dr John Smith
Citi Express Bank of Nigeria, PLC Lagos
E-mail: john333@hknetmail.com
17 August 2003

Dear Patsy

The only thing i can tell you right now is that i am a very strong black man. Intellectually aware and alert. I read a lot. And a lovely kind of a man. I don't want to go too deep until i hear your voice. The moment i hear your voice, then you leave the rest to me.

My fear is that right now, i really want to believe that you are who you say that you are. There and then will you appreciate the more what you have gone into. I have been waiting since yesterday for your call. Alternatively, let me get your telephone number so that i can ring you.

Lastly, putting into consideration the fact that there is no romance without finance, i will be most appreciative if you can inform me about your capability and readiness for this transaction.

All my love

Dr John Smith

Spoken like a true Nigerian e-mail scammer in lust. He wants to clean out my bank account, get into my pants, and is a lovely kind of a man to boot. No romance without finance? What a catch!

2003-08-16T08:24:00.000+08:00

EVEN NIGERIAN SCAM MERCHANTS FALL IN LOVE: I

Notes: Dr John Smith - "General Bank Manager of Citi Express Bank of Nigeria, PLC Lagos, Branch" - contacted me with an "urgent and very confidential business proposition." A very generous man, Dr Smith offered to share 30% of US$25,000,000.00. Unfortunately, John Smith was about to meet his match in Patsy A. Newton.

To: Dr John Smith
Citi Express Bank of Nigeria, PLC Lagos
E-mail: john333@hknetmail.com; drsmith.3422324445@freenet.de
13 August 2003

My Dear Dr Smith

Your email sent a shiver of excitement down my spine for two reasons. First, the thought of all that money just makes me go wobbly at the knees. Second, Nigerian men are defintely the sexiest men alive. Perhaps we could mix business with pleasure.

I am very interested in your strategy. Unfortunately I'm travelling right now and it's difficult to catch me on the phone, but I'll be back in Hong Kong in several weeks. Travelling to Nigeria would present no difficulties if we were to go ahead in a partnership (of whatever type, if you understand my meaning...).

My kindest regards

Patsy A. Newton

From: Dr John Smith
Citi Express Bank of Nigeria, PLC Lagos
E-mail: john333@hknetmail.com
14 August 2003

Dear Patsy

Thanks for your e-mail. The contents are well appreciated.

But, i need a specific answer. Do you really want to do this business with me? The reason for the question is that i will want to get the services of an attorney who will handle the documentation processes and represent you before the board of the bank management. This is very urgent and we need to commence work immediately if you have the financial means for a business of this magnitude.

Please, your urgent response will be highly appreciated.Also,if you can have access to make calls while you are on your journey, let me know in your next mail so that i can forward my mobile number to you. So that you can call me and have us discuss all the modalities.

I await your response.

Regards

Dr John Smith

To: Dr John Smith
Citi Express Bank of Nigeria, PLC Lagos
E-mail: john333@hknetmail.com
14 August 2003

Dear Dr Smith

I really want to do business with you and develop a partnership (as intimated in my last email). Please forward your mobile number to me so I can contact you. I would love to hear your voice (I think deep and manly voices so common amongst African males are so sexy). I will ring as soon as I can. Please do not worry about my ability to meet financial costs associated with this project. I earn a very high salary in Hong Kong and can meet up-front costs as long as I am assured of a significant return.

On another matter: perhaps you could append a small description of yourself in your next email. I am 33 years old, 170cm high and 60kgs. I am very athletic and am often told by men that I am beautiful. I imagine that you are taller than me, very black, and have an athletic body too. I have heard certain rumours about African men. Can you confirm one specific rumour? I'm sure you understand to what I refer...

I can't wait to talk to you.

Thinking of you.

Patsy A. Newton

From: Dr John Smith
Citi Express Bank of Nigeria, PLC Lagos
E-mail: john333@hknetmail.com
15 August 2003

Dear Patsy

I don't want to believe that i am beginning to fall in love with you, but, just understand that i thought about you all night. Now i wish that i understand what i am doing.

Meanwhile, i am 37 years old. 5 feet, 10 inches tall. So, that makes me taller than you. And i appreciate all you said and can't just wait to hear your voice.

Please, call me immediately. I am waiting. Tel no 234-803-320 8093. It is on 24hrs.

Love.

Dr John Smith

You smooth talking Romeo, you...

2003-08-09T10:05:00.000+08:00

COMRADE TO COMRADE

Notes: In a previous Lost Art letter, I contacted the Juche Idea Study Group of England (see below). I received a reply from one Dermot Hudson. Later, having made it onto JP Cupp's e-list for wannabe North Korean ideologues (see below), I received a copy of an interview he conducted with the very same Comrade Hudson. It's long so I'm only posting those parts that strike me as even more crack-hazed than the rest.

From: John Paul Cupp
Anti-Imperialist Solidarity USA
E-mail: anti_imperialist_solidarity@yahoo.com

The Following Is the Complete Trascript of an E-Mail Interview Between the Anti-Imperialist Solidarity Committee (USA) and the Comrade Dermot Hudson, Chairman of the Juche Idea Study Group UK, and UK Spokesman of the Korean Friendship Association. Comrade Dermot makes no hesitation about his principaled stance in solidarity with the DPRK (North Korea).

Question: Comrade Dermot, it is a pleasure interviewing you. It is understood that you are the Chairman of the Juche Idea Study Group in the UK and the Korean Frienship Association UK Representative. From this one easily Gathers that you are a Militant Friend of The Democratic People's Republic of Korea ( North Korea). Please take a minute to explain why it is that you are so willing to go out on a limb for the DPRK, and what drew you to promote the Juche idea, as well as explaining what the Juche Idea is.

Answer: Thank you for interviewing me. I became drawn to the Juche idea in the 1980s, I was in the CPGB [Communist Party of Great Britain] and YCL [Young Communist League in those days. I became disillusioned with the revisionism, reformism and class collobarationism of the CPGB and also became disillusioned with with the USSR, CPSU [Commuinist Part of the Soviet Union] (ie the USSR allowing a Pepsi Cola factory to be set up) and the Eastern European socialist countries. I sought information about the DPRK as it came across as the independent socialist country. I tried to find information out about the DPRK but at first all I could find was a section on the DPRK in the book 'Marxist Regimes of the World'. In 1985 I came across some books from the DPRK and works of comrade Kim Il Sung. I was impressed with the Juche idea as a communist revolutionary idea and an idea which emphasises national independence. I was deeply capitvated by the Juche idea and noticed that Juche Idea Study groups had been setup all over the world. I was pretty appalled at the attitude of the British and Western left to the DPRK. I went out on a limb for the DPRK because it is an independent socialist country and because it fights imperialism.The WPK has always fought for the unity of the socialist countries and international communist movement. I found myself not only opposed by the ruling class but by the "left" establishment in the UK. I formed the Juche Idea Study with some friends from the YCL and CPGB in 1985. We were re established in 1990 after a period of inactivity. The Juche idea is basically the idea of independence, self sufficiency and self reliance but has many profound philosphical facets the most important is that man is master of his fate.

[Snip, snip]

Question: Comrade, with the threat of war against the DPRK, looming of late, comrade it would be a treasurable experiance for you to detail your journies to the DPRK, to talk about Comrade KIM Il-Sung, and Comrade Kim Jong-Il, as well as Your encounters with the masses of the DPRK. Also what is life like in the DPRK? What has the Juche Idea and the Socialist Revolution Brought to the masses? Please add personal encounters and fisrt hand knowldedge, as so much of what we hear is tainted by the Imperialist Press. Also would be sort of detail the day to day life of the DPRK, the way full employment is guarenteed, housing, health care, etc? Any short details on your enounters with the Workers Party of Korea, and its leadership would be valuable as well.

Answer: I have visited the DPRK 5 times-in 1992, 1993, 1994, 1996 and 2002. The Korean people are happy and united around the leadership. There is no starvation or anything like that. In all my visits to the DPRK I have never seen anyone begging or sleeping rough on the streets but here in London you see it all the time.The quality of life is high the DPRK you do not see streets full of drug dealers or drunks or prostitutes. Children can play safely. Crime is not a problem and Koreans laugh at people locking doors! In 1996 my colleague Shaun Pickford became seriously ill while visiting the DPRK but was taken to hospital and treated free of charge.I also recieved dental treatment on that visit free of charge. Pyongyang has lots of big hospitals.All treatment is free of charge. Here in the UK we pay for prescriptions (£6.30 per item) plus we pay national insurance contributions (11.5% of salary- I pay £106 per month) for the health service. In the DPRK all taxation was abolished in 1974. Before I visited the DPRK in 2002 a dentist in London told me that it would cost £1000 to sort my teeth out but in the DPRK I got free dental treatment and only had to pay $30 for the gold for the gold tooth. Pyongyang is a modern clean city with lots of new housing. Flats are allocated to people free of charge. One of my guides told me that her husband applied for a new flat while she was in the maternity hospital and when she came out their new flat was ready! Education is free and even universities are free and students get a free uniform and living allowance.Nursery and pre school education are also free. Full employment is guranteed by law and by socialist planning. There are no big social differences in the DPRK. Officials live in ordinary blocks of flats and have to work hard. All officials and cadres must do 1 day of manual labour per week. I saw comrade Kim Jong Il stride on to the stage at the national meeting April 2002 to mark the anniversary of president Kim Il Sung, he looked much younger than 60 years old.

[Snip, snip]

Question: What would you like to say to comrades in the USA, and are their any concrete suggestions for checking Imperialists War moves in Korea, that you would like to offer? Most of all we are curious over here as to how your esteemed Juche Idea Study Group is able to disseminate truthful and necassary information in an Imperialist Nations, similar to ours?

Answer: One thing that annoys me is the lack of support from the Western left. Some people whilst not been hostile to the DPRK still want to downgrade its importance in the world anti imperialist struggle do not like to see independent solidarity activities with the DPRK. Hopefully one day US comrades will form a Juche Idea Study Group. One used to exist under the US Guardian newspaper. A new KFA delegate for the US has been appointed and I hope that US comrades will give him maxium support.

Contact me if you would like the entire transcript. Warning: not for the fainthearted.

2003-08-09T09:29:00.000+08:00

THE ANTI-IMPERIALIST LEAGUE MAKES A PLAY FOR PATSY A. NEWTON

To: John Paul Cupp
Anti-Imperialist Solidarity USA
E-mail: anti_imperialist_solidarity@yahoo.com

Dear Comrade Cupp

I read your comments on the DPRK [Democratic People's Repblic of Korea] site. I agree with you totally. There is so much filthy bile spread by the U$ terrorists now that I feel sick. I fully support the workers and masses in the DPRK and will do anything to assist them. Please contact me if you need to for any reason.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton

From: John Paul Cupp
Anti-Imperialist Solidarity USA
E-mail: anti_imperialist_solidarity@yahoo.com
6 August 2003

Comrade Patsy

This e-mail effectively works as my co-odination point for " The Anti-Imperialist Solidarity USA" a sort of prov m-l grouping. Anyway, we are working on setting up a DPRK solidarity event in the next two months. Are you on the west coast? We will stay in contact and co-ordinate friendship things together.

MILITANT JUCHE GREETINGS!!!

jp cupp

The "prov m-l" reference has me beat. Nevertheless, the guy has put me on the mailing list and I'm in the loop(y).

From: John Paul Cupp
Anti-Imperialist Solidarity USA
E-mail: anti_imperialist_solidarity@yahoo.com
8 August 2003

Comrade

Have considered joing the Korean Friendship Association? They have fantastic chat area for co-ordinating activites, etc, and aslo we are planning a solidarity event In oregon if you are interested.

By the way you would be blood line to a Mr. Huey P Newton would you, as we was hero of mine!!!

JP

Hmm, blood line to Huey... An interesting avenue to explore, methinks [rubbing chin thoughtfully].

2003-08-08T13:41:00.000+08:00

NIGERIAN SCAM-MEISTERS - I

Notes: Mr Kolapo Omidire of Nigeria contacted me with kind of spam we've all received:

I am Kolapo Omidire, company secretary and manager, internal and external services of COMMERCIAL BANK OF AFRICA [and I have] twenty one million, five hundred thousand united states dollars (USD21.5m) [which I'm willing to split with you if you provide me with certain details].

I replied that I was interested. He replied that all I needed to do was:

send me your reply, we will start the transfer procedure which will not exceed 10 working days and the first thing is that i will send you an application text which you will re-type into your letterhead, complete and fax back to the bank for claims as next of kin. ... Thereafter, you will be required to open an account with our bank into which the funds will be credited and from which you will then transfer into your personal account offshores.

Umm, yeah.

He sent me a phone number in Nigeria (234 9051 2479), but I thought I'd write back with an offer of my own.

To: Mr Kolapo Omidire
The Commercial Bank of Africa
E-mail: kola_005@hotmail.com; kolapo1.omidire@laposte.net

Dear Mr Omidire

Thank you for sending me instructions on the process by which we might liberate the sum of money mentioned in previous correspondence. However, as we both know, you are not a banker. You are a Nigerian confidence trickster involved in a well known and quite frankly laughable scam based on securing money transfers from gullible and greedy persons in return for a portion of an impossibly large sum of money. You and your family probably make a decent enough living by doing this, but I would like to present an offer that has the potential to provide us all with more money than we can dream of.

Besides your own corrupt family, there are thousands of others sending out similar spam mails in the hope of attracting a few thousand dollars here and there. All combined, these relatively small amounts may total millions of dollars being remitted to Nigerian banks. Through my work in the Hong Kong financial sector I have the ability – with secure inside information in Nigerian banks – to re-route financial transfers from abroad to Nigeria to third party accounts.

However, I do not have secure inside information in a Nigerian bank. This is where you come in. With your inside connections it would be possible for me to put into operation a process whereby almost all money transferred into Nigeria from the one of the five largest global banks (i.e., the bank for whom I work in Hong Kong) could be re-routed to a third account. But to do so, I need your help.

I am not going to divulge the content of my plan, but if you are all interested, please contact me. Trust me, I can secure more money for the two of us working together than all of the other scam merchants in Africa working together.

I look forward to your response.

Kind regards

Patsy A. Newton
Hong Kong

From: Kolapo Omidire
The Commercial Bank of Africa
E-mail: kola_005@hotmail.com
6 August 2003

Hello Friend

I knew you were not real, i had thought your email add. is rather funny and didn't want to reply you but who knows, you could just be it. I even thought you were not really in Hong Kong, that you may just be in Lagos or Akure or anywhere else here in Nigeria (OR PARHAPS YOU ARE?) Anyhow, i left the university 5 yrs ago with very good grades and uptil now i have no job, i am not into this because i simply derive joy defrauding others, i am into it to earn a living since the Nigerian system is such a frustrating one made much worse by our greedy thieving government. My folks have spent so much money seeing me thru school, and now i cannot do anything for them, not even for myself.

Admittedly, some of the players here overdo things. some of them have acquired so much wealth, yet they continue doing it. Such ones have my pity as i see them as being spiritually poor... poverty of the mind.

Do let me hear your proposal, maybe we could work something out together. You already have my number.

Cheers

Your friend

Although he has doubts, greed obviously gets the better of our man in Nigeria. He'd happily sell his scamming competitors down the river for a chance at securing access to their ill gotten gains.

2003-08-08T13:02:00.000+08:00

WHAT DOES KIM MYONG CHOL KNOW?

Notes: Kim Myong Chol is the North Korean version of Baghdad Bob (Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf), the hilarious Iraqi Minister of Information who since the war has become something of a cult figure. For a lighthearted view of Kim's views on things political, see Myongwatch. For less humorous treatment you can see an interview with the man here.

To: Kim Myong Chol
"Unofficial spokesman" for the North Korean Government
E-mail: mc_kim@xa2.so-net.ne.jp

Dear Mr Kim Myong Chol

Over the past few months I've become an avid reader of your reports and comments on the politics of North Korea and relations with the US empire. It's wonderful to read and listen to a person who not only knows what's really happening in North Korea, but understands the dangerous game George W. Bush and his legion of death beasts want to play. I extend my greetings to you and to all North Koreans.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton

From: Kim Myong Chol
E-mail: mc_kim@xa2.so-net.ne.jp
7 August 2003

Dear Patsy A. Newton

Inspiring to receive such an encouragement. Just wonder where you live, in the U.S., or UK or Canada or any other part of the globe. Will you kindly tell me which particular writing that has interested you most?

By the way, I am duly confident that Kim Jong Il will soon emerge the most unexpected winner over Bush.

Best regards

KMC

The most unexpected winner, huh?

2003-08-06T08:18:00.000+08:00

CRACK-SMOKING JUCHE JUNKIES

To: Webmaster
JISGE Juche Idea Study Group of England
E-mail: dermot007juche@hotmail.com

Greetings Comrades

I have only recently arrived in England from the U$ and want to continue my studies into the Juche Idea. I live in London and came across your web site. I have no doubt that I meet the criteria for membership as expressed on your site.

Please contact me with more information.

In solidarity

Patsy A. Newton.

From: Dermot Boyett-Hudson
Chairman JISGE
E-mail: dermot007juche@hotmail.com
5 August 2003

Dear Patsy A Newton

Thank you for your email and your interest in the Juche idea. We meet every 2 months sometimes in London but also in other English cities. We work with the Korean Friendship Association and the Society For Friendship with Korea. Our members have studied at the Korean Juche Science Academy in the past. If you wish to join please send your full name, addresss, age, tel no, membership of any political party/solidarity organisation/Trade union etc.

Yours sincerely

Dermot Hudson
Chairman JISGE

Notes: One of the conditions for membership to the JISGE is to "love the DPRK, the WPK, Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il." Googling for Dermot Hudson turns up numerous postings to online discussion groups (see here and here). Hudson is also the Treasurer of the SFK, a group to which he slyly referred in his letter as one with whom JISGE works closely. The Democratic People's Republic of Korea has some interesting friends abroad, no?

2003-08-05T16:54:00.000+08:00

KIM JONG ALEJANDRO?

To: Webmaster
KFA (Korean Friendship Association)
Democratic People's Republic of Korea
E-mail: postmaster@korea-dpr.com

Dear Comrades in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Greetings from the United States. I fully support all the policies of your great leader, Kim Jong Il, and actively oppose those of the terrorist George W. Bush. I hope that one day the juche ideology dominates the world and Amerikans learn to live like the brave people of the DPR.

Please contact me for any reason whatever!!!

In solidarity

Patsy A Newton

From: Alejandro Cao de Benos
Special Delegate - Government of the DPR of Korea
President of the KFA
Delegate Counselor of the NDFSK
E-mail: korea@korea-dpr.com
5 August 2003

Dear friend

Thank you for your solidarity message. Since you share our vision, we'd like to invite you to become member of the Korean Friendship Association (KFA). Receive our best regards and wishes for you and your family.

Alejandro Cao de Benos

You know what, Alejandro? I might just do that.

2003-08-05T08:49:00.000+08:00

HITLER "WAS A MAN OF ACT"

To: Webmistress
Hitler
E-mail: reich1945@yahoo.de

Thank you for setting me straight that your blog is in Persian, not Arabic. Can you tell me why you call it Hitler? Just curious.

Patsy A. Newton

From: Bita Oliaee
4 August 2003
E-mail: reich1945@yahoo.de

Hello

Everybody just ask me Why Hitler?! really I don't know the exact answer I just like him. he is great in my eyes. unfortunatlly u can't read my weblog if u could u would find that i've just wrote some words about him and i've noticed that i see him not as a leader of NAZI's just a man who had power and will . its enogh for me to like him. he was the man of act, i think. my posts are more about nature, human, philosphy and ... hitler is just a name!

With luck
Bita

Notes: This exchange followed a posting Miss Oliaee made in the comments box at another site, from which I was able to track an IP location: a cultural institute in Tehran. Her email address, however, suggests a German location (or at least the abilty to read German).